Wednesday, September 29, 2010
about $130,000 which, of course, I never had. I am one of the lucky ones and have an excellent insurance policy - they paid $129,000 and I only paid $1,000. I sometimes wonder what I would have done without the insurance? I own my house so any type of assistance would not have kicked in until that was gone and I was living on the street. I love life but I don't think I would have done that. It is not just my house, what would my wife do and where would she live? I know people who have died agonizing over these same decisions. What is a life worth? How much would you spend and how much pain would you accept to cure cancer and be a survivor?
You really can't answer that question until it happens to you.
Monday, September 27, 2010
These are stainless steel over copper sheet and then powder-coated in clear. There is a lot of hand work involved in making these, a lot of fitting and grinding and I am unable to do that now. I wake up early in the morning and it feels as though my hands were in a pressure cooker all night long. I am not sure what to do about this. It is discouraging for an artist not to be able to work. I still get ideas and things I want to do but the pain is pretty constant and throbbing. So, I have begun my day complaining and that is not a good way to start! I do comparative therapy and realize that there are a lot of people worse off than I am. I could be in Haiti and have my tent, my only home blown down in the rains. And I think it is only my hands that hurt; the cancer is gone and I am healing, it is just that I want to run with it, lose myself in my shop and build things! I should be thankful that I have the desire. The ability will come. Vicodine helps, at least it offers a distraction and when it kicks in, the throbbing subsides and I am able to work for fifeteen minutes at a time. Time is my friend now, I am getting stronger every day!
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Going back to work is not as simple as it sounded. This is my thumb nail, my big toe nails are gone. What I used to build in a day will njow take me a week. The chemo-therapy that cured my cancer has left a lot of damage in its wake. The neuropathy in my hands will let me work for maybe fifeteen minutes and then I want to cry! At least I sit and give them a break! It is going to take some time, I am at the starting gate, waiting for the sound of the bell.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
apparently once someone gets neuropathy then they ave it forever! That is the bad news, the good news is, over time it will get a little bit better but ostly it is a case of getting used to it. I believe that. My hands feel as though I am picking through cut glass but already I am so restless that I am beginning to ignore them. I began a painmting the other day and already I will put it aside. I get to build a garden gate! Maybe my hands won't like this so much but mentally I am so ready for it that I don't care. It has been months since I have touched steel and I long for its expression! So, sore hands or not I am going to "forge ahead" (nice expression for a welder, huh?) and I get to make something this week! How fun!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
I have so lost the strength to create this kind of art but it is nice to know that I did a lotof it and it will far outlast me! That is what artists want, isn't
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
I haven't "done art" in over seven months. No welding, no painting. Cancer is mentally consuming and chemo-therapy is darnright painful. I am getting stronger every day but my hands feel full of cut glass. Everything I touch is like picking up razor blades. Art of some kind and the will to do it is boiling up inside me and I am learning to live with the pain. Yesterday I got my paints out and found a large canvas to work on. It is stretched on my welding table, gessoed now, about five colors of red and waiting for me to do something with it. Like "The Call of the Wild" it will tease me, waiting patiently, calling for me, and sometimes screaming, until I get to work on it. Nice to be wanted!
Friday, September 17, 2010
inspired me to get back on to this blogging site. I am calling this blog "Cancer Free" because that is what I am! I just finished seven months of chemo-therapy, voodoo medicine, and I am alive!
NOW, what will I do? It is a little like being taken to the edge of Hell and then allowed a second
chance! I'll be re-telling that story a bit on here from time to time, so bare with me if you have heard it before! http://www.artwanted.com/artist.cfm?Art+ID=45020Tab=Blog that will take you to my earlier blog if you care to skip ahead. I'll talk a little about my art here, just a little because that is what I am producing these days. I might talk of politics and our economy because we are all effected by that right now and I find it interesting what we are doing about it. I love my garden and myu shop/studio space and my shop kitty so you will bne hearing about them.
What will keep me going will be your comments! Feel free to tell me I am on the wrong track,
or just that you stopped by! Thanks so much, Jerry