Monday, January 31, 2011

With a Little Bit of Luck...

I did not "Will my Cancer away".  My will power and attitude only controlled how I felt about this whole battle and whether I laughed or cried.  The "cure for cancer" is a crap shoot, a card game, playing the odds,
a mixture of voodoo ingredients, hair of the bat and a little mustard gas and other stuff.  It is like going to Los Vegas.  It is a gamble.  It is not like take this medicine and you will be better!
     I was lucky.  Lucky that I lived a mile away from a good cancer treatment center. Luck that I have really, really good insurance.  Lucky that my career path took me to steel and I was incredibly strong at the beginning of this train wreck.  Lucky for the timing of it all and I had begun my retirement. Lucky that the cure didn't kill me.
     I don't believe that I was saved by God.  In fact, I would hope that God was busy.  There are people by the thousands that are in far worse shape than I was ever in.  My prayers were limited to strength and understanding, acceptance and to be able to laugh.
    Had the numbers been different, all coming up spades, well, I was ready for that too. My life can end but never disappear.  I have kicked too many rocks over, turned too many leaves.  It is like the butterfly wings and the flap of air they move clear across the the world.  There are consequences to living.  I did my best and never willfully hurt anyone.  Lucky too that I was ever alive!
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