Thursday, January 13, 2011

I am not Superman!

        No, I am not superman at all.  I did beat the cancer thing but it wasn't a pleasant fight and I came so very close to losing that battle.  I have a day to day account of it on my artwanted blog. You can find it Here.
That is my whole website, you can see all of my art, my garden and what I do, but at the top, where it says:
"Blog", that is the day to day battle. You need to scroll to the bottom and read it backwards. I don't add to it much any more since discovering this blog where we can interact easier, but I keep it as a reminder of what I went through, how close I came to the very edge.
      I read a lot of "Cancer Blogs", I know there are lots of us out there.  It is a difficult battle and we choose to fight it in different ways.  In a way these blogs are a sharing of weapons, shared experiences, how to fight the alien creature that has attempted to devour us.  If you have followed my blog then you know I have a huge belief in the positive of life, love, laughter, creating things, living.  There are things to do.  I also believe,
"to think a thing makes it true."  We get what we focus on.  I have said many times, if you think you can't you won't be able to.  This is not a guarantee in the power of positive thinking, it is only saying that positive thinking will give you a direction in life, a chosen road.
     I could have gone on and on about my bad days and I did do that plenty enough.  I just think that focusing on four bad days in a row will offer you another one, and then weeks on end of bad days, until bad days become you.  You become the cancer.  I didn't want that.  When I was so weak, so fatigued, so barely
functional, so close to the very edge, I went back into my younger days and stole the strength of my youth.
I have told you many of those stories.  When I couldn't eat and lost fifty pounds to this horrible disease I concentrated on the beauty of a single rose. I thought about my garden.
     I fought with laughter.  I would seek laughter, I was a hunter of laughter.  And probably most important, I concentrated on what I could do, not what I was no longer able to do.  I could sleep.  I got really good at that, sometimes sleeping twenty hours a day!  I built cities in my sleep, all kinds of things.  I dreamt in color and learned to control my dreams.  I never dreamed of cancer.  I was safe, cancer could not enter my dreams. 
    Sometimes it was not easy finding positive things to dwell on but I always did.  I could no longer button buttons and I still can't but I could still get dressed!  I found sweaters in old boxes, some never worn ,and learned to appreciate those.  I appreciated a lot of things and would list them to myself while taking a morning bath.
     I believe we get what we focus on.  As we blog about Cancer, don't give it credit, don't give it any strength at all.  Mention the battle, sure, but continue with your successes.  Tell me how strong you are, tell me what you loved today.   My Other Blog is Here.


  1. I love this beautiful art jerry and you my friend will always hold a special place in my life

  2. Today I love the snow dancing like white butterflies outside; I love the ice fairies that grow on the windows during the night; I love watching the ravens soar outside because we have put out food for them; I love the warmth and love and happiness I have, I love watching my cats (Wussie Pussies!) play leapfrog throughout the house because it is too damned cold for their tender sensibilities; I love you; and I love Ted.