Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Talking about strength...

         Here is the thing about "strength", and it has very little to do with muscle.  Always, forever in my memory, I have done what I said I was going to do. I have never been late for anything, never been late for work, always got my papers turned in on time, never missed a meeting.  I always get there early. I leave in plenty of time to fix a flat tire on the way: mine or someone else's.  If I say I am going to do something, the world would have to stop to prevent this from happening.  This is part of who I am.  I am this way because my word is good.  It is my greatest asset.  For you, you can count on it as the sun will surely come up tomorrow, but I count on it too.  It is important to me.
     Cancer of course limits what one can do and you learn not to make promises that you cannot keep, but it doesn't stop you from doing anything.  So, I admit, my lists become shorter, but they are still there as an obligation to myself.  If I think today only I can do three things, then I do them.  Even if I don't feel like it.
Even if it makes me miserable.  Even if it makes me sick.  and, especially, even if I don't want to.
     I make my list in the morning when I am at my best and I always make them for tomorrow when I am hoping for a better day.  Tomorrow I will weld for one hour.  Tomorrow I will paint one little painting, and tomorrow I will go out to breakfast.  I will do this no matter what and I can do this crying and miserable or I can do this happy and cheerful, but do it I will.  What happens in reality almost every single time is my one hour of welding will stretch to two or three and I will complete a project, get lost in time, forget about the pain in my hands and for awhile forget all about cancer.  Painting is quiet time, no grinding and obnoxious fumes.  My little painting can become big.  They have a life of their own and become what they need to become, happy to be out of the tube.  That hour will also stretch and I will find myself lost there too.
My Other Blog is Here. 
The breakfast is a fun treat and I have learned to be nice to myself.  It is always with friends, some have cancer and some don't and that is the one subject we never talk about.  We give it no strength.

6 comments:

  1. Jerry, I'm envious of your list making, I do that but only if I'm going to leave home to travel. I do like to be prepared, leave early, be there early.. I don't like anyone waiting for me.. I rather do the waiting.
    yes, be good to yourself Jerry, breakfast with friends is always a good thing. !
    And yes, your word is good as gold ! Copper?

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  3. I understand getting lost in time. I do that a lot with my projects. Sometimes it can take me a while to get started, but then I won't want to stop until past my bedtime. I do that much with the gardens, as even working in them in the winter can make a headache go away. I've been known to work into the dark with a flashlight in hand, although I've had to gain a bit of wisdom in knowing when to call it a day, so I don't regret the aches and pains that next morning brings. I've enjoyed reading your last two posts on your other blog.

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  4. I'm becoming a slave to my 'to do' list - they're going to HAVE to get a bit shorter! Like you, I believe that committing to doing things mean they HAVE to be done!

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  5. The thing that has changed over time for me StonePost is that the less I HAVE to DO the LESS I DO. I fully understand the saying, 'If you want something done, ask a busy person.'
    I am still punctual,reliable and a person of principal and integrity.
    Enjoy your day...

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  6. So good to see you are still so psitive my good friend

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