Thursday, December 16, 2010

There were no symptoms

Except for the lump on my neck I felt fine. I think I first saw it in September last year. I noted it every day while I was shaving. I tried to will it away. In October I went to Washington D.C. and spent three weeks with my daughter. We walked everywhere. Two or three miles a day was our normal routine. Two or three days a week she was in Court. Ah, daughter's can be so much trouble these days! No, she was on the defense side, mostly keeping young women off the streets and out of jail. These days I would walk on my own, just exploring the big city.
Then there was November and Thanksgiving, my birthday and the Holidays. I went to the doctor on January 10th finally running out of excuses. I've told that story the one I am remembering today is how cold I got. I began the voodoo ABVD chemical cocktails a the end of January. I received twelve total, every two weeks for six months. Half way through this process is when I got all the symptoms all at once.
I was always cold. In July on a hot day I remember sitting in the front room of my house with the heater turned on and blankets wrapped around me up to my neck, shivering! In the middle of the summer I would sleep with sweat pants and three wool blankets and awake in the middle of the night, shivering. It was a freight train all right, with ice tracks and a cold north wind and I couldn't stop it at all.
Today is December and all of this nightmare has passed, no more trains, no cold or icy winds
and it all seems like a far away dream. Something that happened to someone else.

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  1. Hello, I am glad you have reached this point. I, too, was cold during treatment. I wonder why that is. I still feel as if all this cancer stuff has not really happened to me. I still feel disconnected from it somehow, perhaps some kind of mind game. I don't know.

  2. Thanks for the comment, Nancy. We quickly forget the bad in our lives and I write this blog to remind me of how close I was to the edge.

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  4. Pamo, sometimes I feel as though everything in my life happened just last year. Yes, this January 10th will be my 1st anniversary! Then I will let go of this history that has been grabbing me or maybe go even deeper? Oh dear, I just don't know what to do?

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  6. Good Lord! Your journey - a lifetime's worth of suffering - crammed into that short time? I marvel more and more.