Sunday, December 26, 2010

Impetuous and Quick

I am impetuous, a bit obsessive, appreciate the absurdity of life, in love with the accidental and I am quick. We might not get along. I don't dwell over decisions nor imagine consequences that are not there. I seldom wonder if things will go wrong. I don't digest life but take it in huge swaths acres at one setting. I devour it. I am a goal setter, a list maker, a creator of dreams. I don't see hurdles and obstacles that I can't knock over or go around. Life is a challenge and I like it that way.

When I had cancer I wanted to know who this enemy was and then I left it by the wayside.

Life is what you focus on. It is what you see. I do believe we create our own reality. Life is exactly as I see it, as I choose it to be. If I think of the pain that is what I will get. If I think of the cancer I will only make it stronger until it becomes me.

That is not who I am. I chose to laugh a lot and it became a battle of wits. A mouse against a man. I was curious, even intrigued and wondered about the alien invasion that was within me that I would never allow to become me. The ultimate absurdity, eaten by myself gone wrong!

I learned to appreciate just awakening in the morning and sometime suspected that I might not. I lived my life backwards, reel by reel. Too sick to move I watched movies of my past in my mind. I have lived twice. I have missed opportunities and jumped on others that were barely there. Life does not have to be safe and secure. I know it can't be and don't try to make it so.

I have my shop/studio in my backyard and when it is too quiet I can make a lot of noise. I bang and bash things, make things out of steel. I paint now too. It is a softer, quieter side but everything is still quick. Me on canvas, me on steel.

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