Thursday, December 30, 2010

Exclusive Membership

I feel as if I have been kicked out of this club, somehow lost my membership. I no longer have cancer. It is a dream, a lost lover, an ending to an abusive relationship. I survived and am somehow watching it all from the sidelines. I can't even believe what I have been through. How did I allow her to be such a bitch to me? Was there any good to it or was it a year of being beaten every single day? I feel as though I got out of it in the middle of the night with my suitcase in hand, taking the first bus to I don't care where. Anywhere but there. This blog is my diary and my right to an honorary membership at least. I have been there, done that. I will never forget it. It becomes scar tissue from an old wound and is now a part of me. I am branded.

I am in the new club now: cancer survivors. I am having trouble walking away from the old club. We knew things that you will never know. It is a secret exclusive society. I have paid my dues.

I can fly higher now than ever before. Closer to the sun, I know I won't melt. I will get dirtier now than ever before and enjoy the mud of the Earth between my toes. I know what is important and necessary. My Other Blog is HERE.


  1. And let me be the first to Welcome You Back! I'm so glad you are here. You belong to the club of Cancer survivors , like I belong to a special group of parents who have lost a child and then somehow went on to live... Only another cancer survivor feels what you feel. You are amazed that you've gone through it and lived to tell about it.. The ugliness of it will become a dream .. but you know inside that it was once your nightmare. bj

  2. Sounds like the whole experience has made you stronger and more aware.

  3. Barbra has survived the worst loss anybody could possibly endure, you have survived the horror and ugliness of a vile alien lifeform that tried to kill you, I have survived my own nightmare. What is important here is that we are Survivors, we are stronger for it, and we can fly now because we beat our personal demons. You have the right to be proud and happy, we all do, so fly, it's a wonderful thing to be so light and free :-)

    Have a wonderful New Year Jerry, smell the rain, the roses, the tomatoes, wiggle your toes in the mud, eat warm freshly baked bread and know that you are loved very much oxox

  4. StonePost you teach me so much about HOW to live. I have been in the same place that you are and now I live with the knowledge that I am mortal. My cancer is active and life is uncertain. Learning to accept the challenge, while at the same time living as a bereaved parent, teaches me new lessons each day.
    There are days I struggle and do not succeed in being the person I most enjoy being.
    Thank you for coming into my life.

  5. You're part of an even more exclusive club: the Survivors club! Love the smiley mustache!