As Good As...

How does that expression go?  Not as good as I once was but as good as I was once?  That is me, had my check-up today and short of taking apart my atoms in a MRI I am still "Cancer-Free".  I am pretty sure the doctor only knows this because that is what I tell him;  it was not as though my cancer was warn on my sleeves,
pretty much all invisible inside stuff.  I have no symptoms, no swollen lymph glands and most of the chemo symptoms are gone too, except my forever, it seems neuropathy in my hands!  My price of survival and small one at that.  I keep a photo of me above my desk, taken a couple years ago at my worst.  The cancer never did that to me, it was all in the cure, a beast at best.
   I really can do almost anything now, anything from my younger, stronger days, just in shorter bursts but that can be good too!  I tilled my garden, normally a four hour job that took me two days and I just finished spreading a yard of mulch along the paths to designate walkways.  It will take another yard but that can wait until tomorrow.  Time seems to move in increments now like a watch that stops then jiggles ahead to catch up.
I have discovered that it will wait, all of that capturing and saving time was a lie.  There is no hurry.  Tomorrow will be here soon enough and so much that used to be important and cause me to rush just isn't there any more.
Not that I could hurry,  I am just learning to relax.
   I think that for Cancer People (we are NOT victims!) and maybe all retired people, someone should offer a class in "how to do nothing", there is a certain art in accomplishing nothing.  I am still amazed at how the day disappears and I didn't even get to make a "to do list"!  I am learning to not do that too.
   So my next check up isn't until September and I think my doctor and I chose that date because I could bring him some dried tomatoes!  YES!  It is going to be a good tomato season this year!

Cheating Death

    This time last year I was pretty sick from the chemo and voodoo chemicals I happily took in an effort to chase away the cancer.  My life then was centered around doctor's appointments, testing for everything, filling out forms and hospital visits.  There is nothing about this experience that I would wish upon anyone.
It was a train wreck in motion, on the very edge of Hell and just a horrible process that each day grew worse.  Last year it was my entire life, that and sleeping the only comfort I found.  Everything medical becomes important.  You never miss a pill.  You never miss an appointment.
   This year is different and it will be a great year.  I have lists of things to do, all fun and inspiring.  Doctor's appointments are not even in my thoughts.  I mention this because last week I had one and just plain forgot about it!  Oh, it was marked on the calendar all right but I never look at the calendar any more.  All days have equal significance, meaning and no meaning at all.
    It was to be and still is because I rescheduled it, a "three month check up".  Three months since I was declared "cancerfree", the name of this blog!  Funny that, I named the baby before it was born!  I knew what the outcome would be.  I am tough as nails and given a 50% survival rate, I knew I could do it.  No fun though!  and it does leave you with a feeling of cheating death!  A different time or a different place, a second twisted and it could have been me.
    My appointment is now for tomorrow and I wonder what that will mean?  At 2:10 pm. I wonder if there is any significance there?  An hour earlier than "The Train to Yuma."  Sometimes I think that "luck" has nothing to do with this and other times I think "luck" is everything.  It is a numbers game and my time wasn't up...
not yet anyway.  No bells for me, but I probably wouldn't listen anyway.
   It was a good appointment to miss.  It means that I am no longer thinking about cancer.  It has lost its control over me and I have better things to do.  Tomorrow will be an interruption, that is all, but it all makes me think about it again.
My other blog is here.