The Future?

One of the worst things about having cancer is you no longer look far into the future.  If you can get past next week or even through today that becomes pretty good.  I hated this part just because I am a goal setter by nature and some of what I want to do it way in the future.  I have always been that way, setting short term goals, midterm and down the way a bit, things I would like to do.
For this past year I have let my shop inventories dwindle down to the bare basics, not much extra steel and only one blank canvas encouraging me to paint.  I didn't think I would need them.
    The cancer is gone and I am back to my habits now, ordering a few extra pieces of this or that when I have a job to do. Two canvases calling for my attention!  My garden is screaming for the attention that I didn't give it last year.  Yesterday I spend the day in the greenhouse and that is a cause for celebration.  It is a continuation of life, without me these plants will die, left unattended to wither on the vine. I planted six seeds each of twelve varieties of tomatoes, some I have had for years, saving seeds from one year to the next.  I started four varieties of peppers, two of eggplants, some cucumbers and about 100 Zinnias.  I like flowers scattered throughout my garden.
    It was nice getting dirty again, my hands in the soil of the earth.  I removed the gloves I wear to protect them from this on-going neuropathy that I have.  They were almost comfortable in the familiar surrounding.
Today I will reconnect my well that I drove into the ground forty years ago, giving me faithful, consistent water.  It is nice to make plans for tomorrow, next week and next year.

 My Greenhouse, built almost 40 years ago!

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My Top 10

If I had one day to live and I were healthy and it was a very long day what would I want to do?

1. I would get up very early and see the darkness grow to light. I love the quiet of the very early morning when I can still see the stars. Looking to the heavens is looking back in time.

Not like looking back in time but really looking back in time. The naked eye can see millions of years ago and with the aid of Hubble telescope we can see almost to the beginning to the very place we came from! We are made of star dust and I have a certain longing when I gaze into the sky. I love the sunrise and its always promise of a new day, another chance to get it right.



2. One last day would be difficult without art. I love to see what others do and creating art

is just part of who I am. So I would be making something for sure, maybe left unfinished, maybe not even seen. Something I began and others finished would be fine and they could sign their name. I don't need the recognition, I just need to do it.



3. Literature of some kind, a book, yes, please. I can't do everything and love to read stories and adventures, dreams and loves of others. I can imagine I was there. Literature expands our sight, sharpens our aim and makes the world understandable.



4. I would finish the project, whatever I was working on. I could not help that. My word

is so very important to me. If I say I will do something you can take it to the bank. It is as good as gold, as good as I am. I will do something on time and on budget always and without fail.



5. Is it lunch time yet? I have always enjoyed food and cooking a meal, making a mess and even cleaning it up. When I had cancer I could do none of these. I lost 50 pounds and went 12 days eating nothing but jell-o and drinking Ensure. I love food, not take-out or fast food but something really cooked, really thought out and made like the art it should be. Yes, please, I will cook it myself and invite you to dinner. One last supper!



6. Or this could be a dinner party too, please stay late. One last day I would want with my friends and my new friends here. Please come too! Friends and conversations, a discussion of ideas, bashing thoughts around. These are all so important to me. And because you are friends

we will know these are just ideas, just discussions, nothing personal at all. We will all learn from this. We will express ourselves better and become better listeners. Cancer opens a million doors, people lose fear. We are afraid of nothing.



7. One last day and I would be laughing. Laughing that I wasn't born a grain of sand. How incredibly lucky I have been. My parents used contraceptives. I was not even supposed to be here! Fighting my way with 6 million other sperms to make it to that egg! I suspect that I told a joke and while they were laughing, I made it to the top. Laughter is disarming and my weapon of choice. After all this time it would be totally disconcerting to have but one day left. I am sure I would strike back with laughter.



8. I would love to help someone. I would encourage you so much that you could be the best you can be. We like to think we do but we never get to where we are going all by ourselves.

We have had help all along the way. I have a lot of favors to return.



9. It must be evening now and I would be getting tired, but just one more dance? and a kiss behind the bleachers? I like a silly side to life, the unexpected, fortuitous, just the unplanned

for and spontaneous.



10. Oh, yeah, I have a tenth one! I'll win the lottery!



Except for number 10 above this pretty much describes my average day. So I guess if I had one more day it would be like yesterday. And I've been told that you can't win at the lottery if you don't buy a ticket. Seems the odds are about the same either way!
My Other Blog is HERE.